SNL’s Bizarre Cold Open: RFK Jr. Calls It ‘Cold‑Flu‑Listeria‑Measles Season’

Saturday Night Live opened its latest episode with a sketch that felt part late‑night news bulletin, part absurdist comedy. The set was a mock‑up of a naval briefing hall, and the “Defense Secretary” – a Colin Jost‑styled Pete Hegseth – was supposed to salute sailors returning from the USS Lincoln, a fictional vessel that had spent weeks off the Iranian coast.

Instead of a straight‑laced debrief, the program pivoted to a parody of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., portrayed by James Austin Johnson. Kennedy’s trademark hoarse delivery (a nod to his real‑life spasmodic dysphonia) came across as both nervous and deliberately off‑kilter. He opened with a bizarre claim that America is “healthier than ever,” then launched into a proposal that would make epidemiologists cringe.

“From now on, let’s call it ‘cold, flu, listeria, measles, and trench‑brain season,’” the fake Kennedy announced, smirking at the camera. The line landed just as the United States recorded its worst measles surge since 1991, turning the joke into a pointed – if not entirely coherent – commentary on vaccine skepticism.

The sketch didn’t stop at a new name. Kennedy rambled about a massive recall of “200,000 pounds of pork, beef and goat,” then suddenly pivoted to a culinary suggestion: “Catfish, pony, and cricket are viable proteins for any American family.” The absurdity was punctuated by a fabricated reference to “Operation Hellcruise,” supposedly the secret mission that gave the sailors the data to spot the recalls.

Mid‑monologue, the actor’s voice glitched, morphing into an eerie, almost reverent tone: “And it’s been my esteemed pleasure to speak with you.” The sudden shift seemed designed to highlight how easily misinformation can be cloaked in authority.

Colin Jost’s Defense Secretary kept the chaos rolling, teasing a “really sad pull‑up contest” with Kennedy later in the night and quoting Abraham Lincoln – “You tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” The line, ripped straight from a meme, underscored the sketch’s self‑aware absurdity.

While the segment was obviously a spoof, the timing felt inevitable. Public health officials have been battling a resurgence of measles, and the flu season has already been a point of anxiety for many. By blending a real‑world health crisis with the over‑the‑top rhetoric of a vaccine‑skeptic figure, SNL walked a fine line between satire and commentary.

Fans on social media reacted with a mix of laughter and eye‑rolling, noting how the sketch managed to cram “recalls, alternative proteins, and a new disease‑season name” into a single, chaotic paragraph. Some praised the show for daring to lampoon a figure who often dominates headline news, while others wondered if the joke landed too far outside the realm of good‑natured ribbing.

In the end, the cold open succeeded at what SNL does best: sparking conversation. Whether you laughed, cringed, or just felt a little uneasy about the state of public‑health discourse, the sketch left a lingering question – how much of tonight’s comedy is really a mirror of the absurdities we already see on the news?