Iowa Blizzard Forces Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley To Share Hotel Room

ORILLA, IA—With flights grounded and roads buried under inches of snow, blizzard conditions in Iowa reportedly forced Republican primary opponents Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley to share a hotel room Friday. “Seriously? There’s not even a sofa?” said Haley, who groaned and returned DeSantis’ brooding scowl with a fiery glare of her own as the pair entered the cramped roadside motel room and surveyed its shabby conditions.

“You’re not happy with this? Well, neither am I, Ron DeSantis! Believe me, this is the last place on earth I’d like to be right now! There’s no way in hell I’m sleeping on the floor, so let’s just put a blanket down the middle and agree not to cross that line. Now, I’m going to take a shower.

You better not look, or you’re dead!” At press time, reports confirmed the two had locked eyes and shivered after accidentally brushing hands..