Miss Manners: It was a horrifying thing to say at the funeral

After my dear husband's funeral, a distant relative, who wasn't very close to him, suggested that I gather hair from his hairbrush and get a DNA analysis to confirm his claimed ethnicity. This was met with shock and disapproval from me and my late husband's immediate family. My late husband himself would have found this concept appalling. So my response was simple: “Please don’t.”

In the small town where I reside, there are ample opportunities to lend a hand to my neighbors during tough times. Recently, I’ve assisted two families - one friend who fell ill, to whom I lent my services by running errands and providing personal transport, and another whose family house got consumed by fire, to whom I donated grocery gift cards. However, since I offered my assistance privately and didn’t sign up on the community apps and public social media platforms set up by other people, some people inferred that I didn’t lend a helping hand. Given the rising culture of “app shaming”, this has led to queries about my lack of participation on these platforms. I don't feel obligated to justify myself, but to avoid any such future encounters, I’ll simply say, “I did, but I already donated privately.”

When my nephew tied the knot, I couldn't attend the ceremony. Therefore, I decided to send a meaningful present. But the wedding registry only listed items like bathroom trash cans, drawer organizers, things I didn’t deem worthy of a wedding gift. Gift and bank cards or direct payments were other alternatives. However, they had kept their address as “private" on the registry, which further limited my options. Although, I could’ve asked for their address. The concept of requesting cash or a bank card struck me as odd, perhaps a generational shift? I reluctantly settled for buying gift cards but capped it at just two $20 cards, rather than buying a bunch since it was too absurd. In hindsight, maybe I should have requested their address and opted for a more personal gift.