When University Rivalries Follow You to the Office: Navigating Toxic Competition and Boss Favoritism

Dear Worried Worker,

It sounds like you're caught in a truly maddening professional quagmire, one that many can relate to in spirit, if not in exact detail. The workplace is complicated enough without old college rivalries resurfacing with a vengeance, especially when your boss seems to be not just observing, but actively fanning the flames of competition.

This isn't just a minor squabble; it's a significant stressor impacting your daily work life and potentially your career trajectory.

Let's unpack this unsettling scenario. The dynamic between you and your former university peer, now a colleague, is inherently fraught. There's a history there, a pre-existing competitive framework, and likely a set of assumptions each of you holds about the other.

When you add a boss who appears to be playing favorites or, worse, deliberately pitting you against each other, the environment can quickly become toxic. It’s natural to feel frustrated, undervalued, and even a bit betrayed when the very person meant to guide and support your team seems to be enjoying the drama or using it for their own ends.

First, acknowledge the emotional toll this is taking.

Constant competition, especially when fueled by a superior, can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a significant drop in job satisfaction. Your feelings are valid. It's crucial not to internalize the boss's behavior or your rival's actions as a reflection of your own competence. This situation is more about office politics and poor management than it is about your individual merit.

So, what can you do when your professional ambition is clashing with a past rivalry and a challenging manager? The key is to respond strategically and professionally, prioritizing your mental well-being and long-term career goals.

Start by observing and documenting.

Keep a discreet log of instances where your boss shows favoritism, makes pointed remarks, or actively encourages competition between you and your colleague. Note the date, time, specific actions, and any witnesses. This isn't about building a case for immediate confrontation, but rather gathering objective data that can help you understand patterns and, if necessary, support future conversations or decisions.

This documentation can also help you identify if your perception aligns with the reality of the situations.

Next, focus relentlessly on your own performance. Make sure your work is exemplary, well-documented, and delivered on time. Proactively communicate your achievements to your boss in a professional, fact-based manner, ideally through written updates that create a clear record.

When possible, frame your accomplishments in terms of how they contribute to the team's or company's overall goals, rather than as a direct comparison to your rival. This keeps the focus on your value, not on the rivalry.

Consider a direct, yet diplomatic, conversation with your boss. This is a delicate step.

Frame your concerns around team dynamics and productivity, rather than personal feelings or accusations of favoritism. You might say something like, “I've noticed that the competitive dynamic between [Rival’s Name] and me sometimes impacts our team's collaborative efforts. I'm committed to ensuring our team functions as effectively as possible, and I'd appreciate your guidance on how best to foster a more cohesive working environment.” This approach shifts the conversation from blame to problem-solving, inviting your boss to consider their role in team health.

Regarding your rival, maintaining strict professional boundaries is paramount.

Do not engage in any unprofessional banter, gossip, or attempts to one-up them. Be courteous, cooperative where necessary, and always maintain your composure. If they try to draw you into conflict, disengage politely. “My focus is on my work,” or “Let’s stick to the task at hand,” are perfectly acceptable responses.

Remember, their behavior reflects on them, yours on you.

Finally, and critically, assess the long-term viability of your role in this environment. If, despite your best efforts, the situation doesn't improve and continues to negatively impact your mental health or professional growth, it might be time to consider other options.

Start networking, updating your resume, and exploring new opportunities. Sometimes, the most strategic move is to remove yourself from a toxic environment rather than trying to single-handedly change deeply entrenched dynamics.

Navigating these waters is challenging, but by maintaining professionalism, documenting effectively, and strategically communicating, you can protect your professional reputation and pave the way for a more fulfilling career path.