When Game Night Goes Wrong: Eric Thomas on Feeling "Stupid"

Oh, game night. For some, it’s a symphony of laughter and friendly competition. For others? Well, sometimes it feels more like a direct assault on your intellect and self-esteem. We’ve all been there, haven't we? That moment when you’re sitting across from friends or family, perhaps playing something new or simply having an off night, and suddenly, the fun drains away, replaced by a stinging sensation of feeling utterly, completely… stupid.

I recently received a letter, and let me tell you, it resonated deeply with an experience many of us have quietly tucked away. The sender described a game night that spiraled into a personal nightmare. They felt ridiculed, misunderstood, and frankly, just plain dumb for not grasping the rules or for making "obvious" mistakes. It's a tough spot to be in, feeling vulnerable and exposed, especially when you're supposed to be among people who care about you. You leave questioning not just your strategic prowess, but maybe even your general intelligence. And let’s be honest, that really stings.

But here’s the thing, and I want you to really lean into this: your worth, your intelligence, your sheer brilliance as a human being, is absolutely, unequivocally not determined by your performance in a board game, a card game, or any game, for that matter. Think about that for a second. Are you a kind person? Do you work hard? Are you curious, do you try new things, do you love deeply? These are the real metrics of who you are, not whether you can conquer Catan or master Monopoly.

Often, when we feel "stupid" in these social settings, it’s less about the game itself and more about how we perceive others' reactions, or even our own internal dialogue. Were your friends genuinely trying to make you feel bad, or were they perhaps just caught up in the competitive spirit, maybe a little too much? And what about your reaction? Did you internalize every misstep as a personal failure, allowing it to define your entire evening, or worse, your sense of self?

My advice here, and listen closely, is multi-faceted. First, give yourself a massive dose of grace. It's okay not to be good at every single thing. Nobody is! Second, and this is crucial, evaluate the company you keep. True friends uplift, they don't tear down, even in jest. If the "jesting" feels genuinely hurtful, it might be time for a gentle, honest conversation. Or, perhaps, it’s a signal to reassess who you spend your precious free time with on game night. Your peace of mind is paramount, you know?

Third, shift your mindset. What's the real goal of game night? Is it to win at all costs, or is it to connect, laugh, and simply enjoy shared time? If the former dominates, it might be time to find different games or different gaming partners. If it’s the latter, then remind yourself to focus on the joy of participation, the camaraderie, even the sheer absurdity of some game rules. Don't let the pursuit of "winning" steal the genuine fun that's meant to be had.

Ultimately, this isn't about blaming anyone. It's about empowering you. It's about remembering that life isn't a game where your score defines your value. You are a complex, brilliant individual with so much to offer, far beyond the confines of a board. So, dust yourself off, learn from the moment, and step forward with your head held high. You’re not stupid, my friend. Not even close.