When Christian Duty Feels Like a Cross to Bear

Dear Prudence,

I’m in a deeply distressing situation and desperately need your wisdom. My elder sister, “Sarah,” has always been a source of immense emotional pain and manipulation throughout my life. She's caused our family countless issues, taken advantage of my parents, and her behavior has led to severe estrangement with many relatives.

Recently, after another significant blow-up she initiated, I decided to finally cut contact for my own mental health. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, but it brought me an unexpected sense of peace.

Now, Sarah has suddenly become very religious, attending a new church, and is contacting me constantly, citing “Christian duty” and “unconditional forgiveness” as reasons I must reconcile, forget the past, and essentially re-enter her sphere of influence without any real change from her end.

She's even recruited other well-meaning but misguided church members to message me about my “Christian obligation” to forgive her and “turn the other cheek.” My parents, who are devout, are also subtly pressuring me, saying it’s what “good Christians do.”

Prudence, I believe in my faith, and I believe in forgiveness.

But I also believe God wants me to be healthy and safe. Every interaction with Sarah reopens old wounds and leaves me emotionally drained for days. Is it truly my Christian duty to sacrifice my peace for someone who shows no true repentance or willingness to change, simply because she's now using faith as a weapon? I feel so guilty and torn.

Please help me understand what my real duty is here.

Sincerely,

Burdened by Belief

Dear Burdened,

Your letter perfectly illustrates the profound struggle many face when sincere faith is weaponized, and genuine Christian principles are twisted to serve selfish agendas. Let me be unequivocally clear: Your Christian duty does not, and never has, included sacrificing your well-being, enabling abusive behavior, or setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Your peace, your mental health, and your ability to live a life free from active, ongoing harm are also sacred.

The concept of “Christian duty” and “forgiveness” often gets profoundly misunderstood. True forgiveness is a powerful act, yes, but it’s primarily an internal process that frees you from the bitterness and resentment.

It does not automatically require reconciliation, especially when the other party remains unchanged, unrepentant, or actively harmful. Forgiveness is not about erasing accountability or opening yourself up to continued mistreatment. It is not a magical cure for someone else's dysfunction, nor does it obligate you to maintain a relationship that repeatedly causes you distress.

Your sister, Sarah, seems to have discovered a convenient interpretation of her new faith that serves her perfectly: using “Christian duty” as leverage to force you back into a dynamic that benefits her and drains you.

This isn't about genuine spiritual growth on her part; it's about control and avoiding the consequences of her actions. And frankly, the well-meaning but ill-informed church members and even your parents are doing you a disservice by conflating “forgiveness” with “unconditional access.”

Your duty, both as a person of faith and as a human being, includes protecting yourself.

Setting boundaries is not un-Christian; it’s an act of self-preservation and, paradoxically, can sometimes be the most loving thing you can do for yourself and even for Sarah, by refusing to participate in a cycle of dysfunction. You can forgive someone from a distance. You can wish them well, pray for their true repentance and change, and still keep them out of your immediate life if their presence is toxic.

Remember, the Bible also speaks of wisdom, discernment, and protecting the vulnerable.

You are not obligated to be a doormat in the name of piety. Focus on your own spiritual and emotional health. Continue with the peace you’ve found. If Sarah truly changes, her actions, not her convenient interpretations of scripture, will demonstrate it. Until then, hold your boundaries firm, trust your instincts, and know that your true duty lies in living a life of integrity, compassion (which includes compassion for yourself), and peace, not one of endless self-sacrifice to satisfy another’s demands.

Warmly,

Prudence