The Weighty Etiquette: Why Your Body Isn't a Public Topic

In a world often too eager to offer unsolicited opinions, few topics provoke as much discomfort and offense as comments about a person's weight. Whether it's a seemingly innocent 'You've lost weight!' or a more pointed 'Have you gained a few?', these remarks, regardless of intent, frequently cross a line from casual observation into deeply personal and often unwelcome territory.

Miss Manners has long fielded letters from individuals grappling with the social awkwardness and emotional sting of such interactions, affirming that one's body is, and always should be, a private domain.

The root of the problem lies in the profound sensitivity surrounding body image, health, and personal identity.

A comment on weight can unwittingly touch upon struggles with eating disorders, chronic illnesses, fertility issues, stress, or simply a person's natural fluctuation over time. What might be perceived as a compliment can carry an underlying judgment, implying that one's previous or current state was somehow 'lesser.' True politeness dictates that we refrain from making observations about another person’s physique, recognizing that such remarks are rarely productive and almost always unwelcome.

For those on the receiving end of these intrusive comments, navigating the moment with grace and firmness is key.

Miss Manners advises a repertoire of polite yet definitive responses designed to shut down the conversation without escalating tension. A simple, direct approach often works best: 'That's a very personal observation, and I prefer not to discuss my weight.' Or, a gentle deflection: 'I'm focusing on feeling good, thank you.' Sometimes, a subtle change of subject can be effective: 'Speaking of changes, have you seen the new exhibit downtown?' The goal is to establish a clear boundary, asserting your right to privacy without needing to offer explanations or justifications.

Equally crucial is the message to potential commenters: please, refrain.

Unless you are a medical professional providing care or a very close family member expressing genuine, private, health-based concern (and even then, extreme delicacy is paramount), a person's weight is simply not your business. Public comments, even those disguised as compliments, often reveal more about the speaker's own anxieties or misguided notions of helpfulness than actual care for the recipient.

Instead of commenting on someone's body, focus on their achievements, their intellect, their kindness, or their company. Celebrate them for who they are, not for how their body appears.

Ultimately, the etiquette surrounding weight comes down to a fundamental principle of respect: respect for personal boundaries, respect for privacy, and respect for the inherent dignity of every individual.

Our bodies are complex, ever-changing, and deeply personal. To comment on them uninvited is to trespass on sacred ground. By adopting a more mindful approach to our conversations, we can foster environments where everyone feels comfortable, valued, and free from the scrutiny of others' unsolicited opinions.

Let us all endeavor to create a social landscape where kindness and discretion prevail.

When in doubt, err on the side of silence regarding appearances, and instead, let your words build bridges of connection, not walls of discomfort. Your manners, in this sensitive arena, speak volumes about your character and your regard for others.