The Siren Song of the Past: When Exes Consider Rekindling an Old Flame

It’s a scenario many of us have probably pondered, perhaps in a quiet moment of reflection or when hearing about an old flame: What if we’d made different choices? What if we could just go back? For one reader, aptly named “Reconsidering,” and her ex-husband, that wistful thought has become a very real, very complex question.

Picture this: a marriage of 20 years, two adult children, and then… a divorce. The reason? He’d had an affair, though he later claimed he’d simply fallen out of love. The pain, one can only imagine, must have been immense, a deep wound that takes years to heal. Fast forward, and both parties have since remarried. Here’s the twist: both are now utterly miserable in their current unions.

Recently, Reconsidering and her ex reconnected. Old feelings resurfaced, conversations flowed, and a profound admission emerged from both sides: they’re desperately unhappy. And so, the big question looms: should they try to start over, with each other? It's a tempting thought, isn't it? The comfort of the familiar, the shared history, a chance to rewrite a past that ended with heartbreak.

Abby, with her characteristic blend of empathy and no-nonsense wisdom, didn't pull any punches when addressing this delicate situation. Her primary message? Caution, deep introspection, and professional guidance are absolutely non-negotiable before making any life-altering decisions. This isn’t a rom-com where past lovers magically reunite and live happily ever after without doing the hard work.

First and foremost, Abby advises, both Reconsidering and her ex need to figure out why their first marriage ended. Was it truly just the affair, or were there deeper, unresolved issues lurking beneath the surface? Was the love truly lost, or was it simply neglected? It’s crucial to confront these uncomfortable truths now, with brutal honesty, otherwise, history is almost certainly destined to repeat itself. Therapy, both individually and perhaps even together, should be the first step, long before anyone even considers filing for divorce from their current spouses.

It’s easy to romanticize the past, to look back with rose-tinted glasses, especially when your present reality is less than ideal. But are they running to each other, or simply running from the difficulties of their current marriages? Abby stresses the importance of ensuring this isn't merely an escape mechanism, a yearning for the 'devil you know' because the 'devil you don't' is proving too difficult. The grass often looks greener on the other side, but sometimes, you know, it's just better fertilized with nostalgia.

Furthermore, what about their adult children? Even grown children are affected by their parents' romantic lives. Any potential reconciliation, or even just the messy unraveling of two more marriages, needs to be handled with extreme sensitivity and consideration for those who will inevitably be impacted. This isn't just about two individuals; it's about an entire family dynamic.

So, while the idea of a second chance can be incredibly alluring, especially when coupled with shared history and current unhappiness, Abby's advice is clear: pump the brakes. Dig deep. Get professional help. Understand the past before attempting to build a future. Sometimes, the second chapter is indeed the best one, but only if you've truly understood and learned from the first.