The "Shrekking" Dating Trend: A Psychologist Unpacks Its Toxic Core

Ever found yourself instantly losing attraction to someone you're dating after they reveal a seemingly minor, yet off-putting, detail about themselves? Welcome to the world of "Shrekking," a modern dating phenomenon where a sudden, often trivial, revelation transforms a potential partner from prince/princess charming into, well, an ogre.

Named after the moment Princess Fiona reveals her true, green self in the movie Shrek, this trend describes a swift and often inexplicable decline in romantic interest.

While the term itself might sound lighthearted, psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., argues that "Shrekking" isn't just a quirky dating quirk; it’s a deeply toxic pattern that undermines the very foundations of healthy relationships.

It's not merely about encountering a "flaw," but rather the psychological processes at play that make this trend so detrimental.

Dr. Travers highlights two primary reasons why "Shrekking" is so insidious, stripping away genuine connection and fostering unhealthy dynamics:

1. The Cold Grip of Objectification and Lack of Empathy

At its core, "Shrekking" often involves treating potential partners less like complex, multifaceted individuals and more like objects designed to fulfill a specific, idealized set of desires.

When someone "Shreks" their partner, they're essentially saying, "You don't align with my pre-conceived notion of perfection, so you're discarded." This mindset fosters a disturbing lack of empathy, reducing a human being to a collection of traits that either pass or fail an arbitrary litmus test.

Such an approach negates the fundamental human need for acceptance and and understanding.

It implies that affection is conditional, based purely on superficial ideals rather than on the richness of a person's character or the potential for a deeper emotional bond. This objectification prevents the development of authentic intimacy, as one is constantly evaluating, rather than truly connecting.

2.

The Peril of Unrealistic Expectations and Idealized Love

Modern dating, fueled by social media and curated online personas, often encourages the pursuit of an idealized fantasy rather than embracing the messy, beautiful reality of human relationships. "Shrekking" is a symptom of this pervasive trend.

It reflects a refusal to acknowledge that every individual, no matter how appealing, possesses imperfections, quirks, and vulnerabilities.

Those who frequently "Shrek" partners are often chasing an elusive, flawless ideal, inadvertently sabotaging any chance at genuine love. They avoid the vulnerability and emotional intimacy required to build a lasting bond, because true intimacy involves accepting and even appreciating a partner’s imperfections.

When confronted with reality – a less-than-perfect trait – the illusion shatters, and so does the attraction.

This pursuit of an unattainable ideal leads to chronic disappointment and a revolving door of relationships that never quite get off the ground. True, mature love isn't about finding someone who ticks every box on an imaginary checklist; it's about building a connection with a real person, flaws and all, and navigating the complexities of life together with acceptance and mutual respect.

Moving Towards Healthier Connections

"Shrekking" serves as a stark reminder that superficial assessments and idealized expectations are detrimental to finding profound and meaningful connections.

To foster healthier dating habits, Dr. Travers' insights encourage a shift: away from seeking perfection and towards embracing authenticity, empathy, and the beautiful imperfections that make each individual unique. By doing so, we can move beyond the "Shrek-ocalypse" and build relationships founded on genuine understanding and acceptance.