Should I Have a Baby with a Partner Who Refuses to Work and Meet My Family? A Husband's Heart-Wrenching Dilemma

In a world where societal norms often dictate the timeline for major life events, one man's heart-wrenching dilemma stands as a stark reminder that reality is rarely black and white. A 36-year-old husband has reached out, seeking guidance on a profoundly personal decision: whether to have a baby with his 35-year-old wife.

His hesitations, however, paint a complex picture of a relationship grappling with fundamental issues.

The core of his concern revolves around two major points. Firstly, his wife, at 35, has no job and, crucially, no apparent desire to secure one. This isn't a new development; it's a consistent pattern that has left him feeling burdened by sole financial responsibility.

"I love my wife," he states, "but it’s getting to the point where I resent her laziness and selfishness." This sentiment casts a long shadow over the prospect of parenthood, where shared responsibility and mutual contribution are often seen as cornerstones.

Secondly, and perhaps even more perplexing, is his wife's unwavering refusal to meet his parents.

Despite five years of marriage and living a mere 15 minutes away, she has consistently avoided any interaction with his family. This isn't just a minor social faux pas; it signifies a deeper disconnect, a reluctance to fully integrate into his life and family unit. For many, a partner's acceptance of their family is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship, and its absence here raises serious questions about the solidity of their bond.

The man admits to feelings of "resentment" and believes his wife is "lazy and selfish," terms that reveal the depth of his frustration.

He worries intensely about her capacity to be a good parent, given what he perceives as her lack of drive and her avoidance of his family. "How is she going to take care of a child if she can't even take care of herself?" he ponders, a question that underscores his profound doubts.

Adding to the pressure, his wife is keenly aware of her biological clock.

She frequently expresses her desire for a baby, often invoking the argument, "What if I can’t anymore?" due to her age. While her longing for a child is understandable, it clashes directly with her husband's grave concerns about their marital foundation. Furthermore, both his and her friends and family are adding to the societal chorus, urging them to have children, creating an almost suffocating environment of expectation.

This man finds himself at a critical juncture, torn between his love for his wife and his deeply rooted anxieties about their future as parents.

Is it fair to bring a child into a home where such fundamental issues—financial responsibility, family integration, and perceived personal accountability—remain unresolved? His plea for advice highlights a dilemma faced by many: when the dream of a family meets the harsh realities of an unaddressed marital dynamic, what path forward is truly the right one?