More Than a Third of People With Dementia Don’t Know They Have It

If you are worried about your partner having dementia, here are some useful things to know. Dementia is a term for a range of diseases (for example, Alzheimer’s) that develop over time (months and years) and cause problems with memory and reasoning, communication, changes in personality, and a reduction in a person’s ability to carry out daily activities, such as shopping, washing, paying bills, or cooking.

Dementia can present very differently in each person, so it’s about knowing what’s normal for your loved one. A person who has always been conscientious and organized starting to unravel is very different from a scatterbrained person just being slightly more scatterbrained. Grief and stress can affect memory yet not be the start of dementia.

But they can also mask the start of dementia; we call this “diagnostic overshadowing.” There are also age related changes to cognition. For example, we take longer to learn when we get older. But a one off event—no matter how dramatic—is not necessarily dementia. It’s about looking for a pattern of decline.

Over time, this can cause a lack of trust to develop. Discussing memory problems openly with the person at the point of a memory failure or if they raise the concern is best. Of course, it takes courage and makes us face our own vulnerability. Sometimes, the person will be in denial or lack insight into the memory problems (this can be a symptom of dementia, but isn’t always).

If someone raises a concern about their memory issues, I would urge you not to minimize this, as it probably took courage to admit their concerns. I heard a relative say to my mother: “Oh, you left the pot on the stove. I lost the car in the multistory the other day.” My mother had dementia; the relative did not.

If they are adamant that they do not have concerns, this is harder to deal with. One approach is to say: “I know you are not concerned, but I am concerned, and I wonder if you would see a doctor to ease my worries?” At the same time, there are often ongoing stresses dealing with memory impairments or confusion.

With these stresses, everyday life can be troublesome, family relationships can suffer, and people can find it difficult to be supportive of each other. Being honest and open is the best policy. Stating that we are in this together, I want to help, let’s meet whatever happens head on, can help. If a person becomes resistant, it may be there is another family member who might better assist the person..