Miss Manners: Am I too brusque with guests in my kitchen?

: We have a small galley kitchen and a small adjacent breakfast nook. When we’re entertaining, guests congregate in both. Their physical presence in these small spaces impedes my ability to prepare the meal, and their attempts to engage me in conversation are distracting — often leading to me misreading a recipe or not getting something out of the oven in time.

How can I politely and firmly ask them to leave me alone while I work on meal prep? (My wife tells me my own attempts meet the second criteria, but not the first.) : “Out! Anyone who expects to eat dinner, please assemble elsewhere. I can’t cook with all of you in here.” Followed, if necessary, by “Shoo!” No doubt your wife expects something more gentle from Miss Manners.

But if these guests are close enough friends that they feel free to wander backstage, they should understand it to be meant in a jovial fashion. If your wife fears they will not, she should herd the guests by saying firmly, “Please come into the living room.” And serve the drinks there. : I must admit I’ve never understood etiquette’s requirement to invite people to one’s home after being invited to theirs.

When my spouse and I host, we feel that it’s our idea — nobody asked us to make a dinner and invite the group. We enjoy cooking and spending time with everyone. Is it not improper for hosts to expect that they will be “repaid” with invitations from their guests? : Your statement is akin to the frequently argued one that people should give presents because they really want to, and therefore responses from the recipients are unnecessary.

So only selfish people feel the need for positive reactions from those they entertain or send presents. Evidently, you do not care whether the presents were successful, or if your guests liked you enough to initiate seeing you again. Most of us do. Miss Manners can think of hardly anyone — or even any business — not wishing, if not clamoring, for “likes” and feedback.

However, reciprocating hospitality does not necessarily involve duplicating the original scenario — what you characterize as repayment in kind. People entertain in different ways, and an invitation to a picnic or a bistro would be full reciprocation for a formal dinner. What is important is what it says: “We were not just looking for a free night out.

We enjoyed ourselves and want to see you again.” : I love Italian food, especially a good ravioli. But here is my dilemma: An individual ravioli is usually too much of a mouthful to eat in one bite. What does a proper Italian do? Surely not spear one ravioli, nibble off half from the fork and then, after swallowing, take the final bite.

So is it OK to cut the ravioli in half first? : A proper Italian acquaintance of Miss Manners’ points out that a raviolo [sic] that doesn’t fit in the mouth differs from ravioli, which are smaller. Yes, you may cut it with your fork, risking spilling out its contents, but, no, you may certainly not nibble..