Grace Under Pressure: Miss Manners on Resolving Customer Disputes

Dear Miss Manners,

My husband and I recently dined at a supposedly upscale restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. We made reservations weeks in advance, requesting a quiet table. Upon arrival, we were seated directly next to a boisterous party, and despite our polite request to move, were told no other tables were available.

The food was mediocre, and the service was slow. We felt our evening was ruined, yet when we expressed our disappointment to the manager, we were met with indifference. How should one properly handle such a colossal disappointment without resorting to an unseemly public display?

Gentle Reader,

Ah, the modern dilemma of the disappointed patron! It is indeed a lamentable state when an anticipated pleasure turns into a parade of minor indignities, culminating in a profound sense of having been unjustly treated.

While the urge to unleash a torrent of justified indignation may be potent, Miss Manners cautions against succumbing to such an impulse, for it rarely achieves the desired outcome and almost invariably diminishes one's own standing.

Your initial approach—a polite request for a quieter table—was impeccable.

When that was denied, the subsequent decline in your dining experience, though regrettable, required a shift in strategy. It is perfectly permissible, and indeed advisable, to voice your dissatisfaction, but the manner of delivery is paramount. A calm, factual recounting of the issues, devoid of emotional accusations or hyperbole, is far more effective than an angry tirade.

Addressing the manager directly and privately, as you did, was the correct procedure.

However, if their response was, as you describe, one of 'indifference,' then a different form of redress is warranted. One does not engage in a shouting match in the middle of a dining room, nor does one pen a scathing, anonymous online review filled with baseless vitriol. Such actions, while perhaps momentarily cathartic, serve only to lower the perpetrator to the level of the perceived wrongdoer.

Instead, Miss Manners recommends a concise, well-articulated letter or email to the restaurant's ownership or corporate office.

Detail your experience, noting specific times, dates, and the names of any staff you interacted with. Frame your complaint not as an attack, but as constructive feedback from a patron who had hoped for better. Explain the impact on your special occasion. A tone of reasoned disappointment carries far more weight than one of furious outrage.

Remember, the goal is not merely to vent, but to seek a satisfactory resolution, be it an apology, a partial refund, or an assurance that improvements will be made.

While you cannot force a business to care, you can present your case in a manner that demands respect and consideration. And should no satisfactory response be forthcoming, then the most dignified form of protest is simply to take your custom, and your impeccable manners, elsewhere.