Ask Amy: These 'best friends' may be much better without each other

Dear Amy: “Patricia” and I have known each other for several years. We have always referred to one another as “best friends.” A while back, I found out that she did something horrible to a family member of mine, and I was furious. I didn’t speak to her for several months and started to make plans to confront her about what she had done.

Before I was able to confront her, she found out that her boyfriend flirted with me. Yes, he did flirt with me, but I just ignored him and didn’t say anything to her about it. Now Patty blames me for all the emotional turmoil she is going through. This is absurd! I am so sick of her throwing shade at me! Should I confront her about it? – Over It Dear Over It: I’m going to go out on a limb and declare that you and “Patty” are not actually best friends, and perhaps never have been.

The reason I can say this is because intimate friends tell one another the truth – even when it is challenging or painful to do so. You state that Patty did a horrible thing to a family member of yours, and yet you ghosted her for months instead of communicating about this incident. On Patty’s side of things, she is blaming you for the fallout from something her boyfriend did.

Again – casting blame without pursuing an explanation is not how friends behave and communicate with one another. It seems obvious that at this point, your friendship is broken. Given that so much time has passed and that you have no stated desire to try to repair the relationship, dredging up these episodes might give you two yet another point of conflict.

I understand the desire to set the record straight when it comes to your own conduct and whatever untruths are told about you. If you decide to do this, remember that anything you say or write can be dredged up and used against you (or as a way to keep this conflict going) on social media. Therefore, you should make your decision understanding the possible ongoing negative consequences for you.

Dear Amy: I’m enjoying the letters about gender specific toys, especially toy kitchens. I worked in a preschool, and once I asked a boy playing in the kitchen area about the things he’d piled up in the kitchen next to the little sink. He said he was going to play video games – the telephone with its keypad was propping up the frying pan, which was his screen.

I asked about the banana perched on top and he said, “I’m charging it.” There are lots of ways to play with a toy kitchen. – Another Amy Dear Amy: I’ll never eat an uncharged banana again..