Ask Amy: I took a DNA test, and it totally wrecked my life

Dear Amy: I lost both my parents a day apart two years ago. Two years before that, my older sister died. She was 11 years older than me. My sister was my biggest supporter, and was like a second mom. She was a half sister, but … we were just . I also have two half brothers 13 and 14 years older, but I’m not as close to them as I was to my sister.

These siblings are all from my mom’s first husband, who died of cancer before I was born. My dad basically raised my older half siblings from the time they were very young. A few months after my parents died, I got a message from a DNA site that I have a half sister. My dad was in the army and always joked I could have half siblings somewhere.

The problem is that I don’t want to acknowledge or meet this sister. I feel bad, but to me, I am my dad’s only child. I was raised pretty much as an only child, because my siblings were much older. I took this DNA test to see my heritage, not even thinking that it could spark a sibling somewhere.

This has totally wrecked my life. This sister keeps messaging me and I’ve blocked her on social media. I don’t even want her to see pictures of my family. I feel I can’t even post pictures on Facebook for fear she’ll see them. Am I being selfish? – DNA Gone Wrong Dear Gone Wrong: I don’t think you’re being selfish.

I do think you’re overwhelmed by loss. You need to give yourself a break. I think it would be wise to step away from all of these triggers and work on your own healing. Some people might welcome the timing of the emergence of a sibling (after extreme loss, here is a gain), but for you the timing could not be worse.

If you felt more emotionally balanced, however, you might not see this as a life ruining event. I’m not saying that you should force yourself to let this person into your world. I am saying that you should put this relationship on a shelf for a while and concentrate entirely on working through the losses you’ve experienced.

A grief counselor could help you to make sense of your own feelings. You could find a grief group to attend through social media or by calling your local hospital..