Ask Amy: Am I too sensitive about the insults that my partner thinks are funny?

: I’ve been with my partner for almost 16 years. Throughout this time, he has said some ridiculously mean things to me, thinking he’s just being funny or making a joke. Most recently, in the course of a conversation, he “jokingly” called me an “old bag,” thinking that how he said it was clever and “just a joke.” He’s always so proud of himself when he makes a “funny” statement.

I called him out on it, telling him that I thought that was a mean comment and not funny at all. He said nothing in return. We are currently on vacation out of the country and I’m having a hard time not thinking about this and how angry I am at him for saying this and “spoiling” our vacation from the start.

He gets this sense of humor from his family. I understand it intellectually, but it still hurts after all these years. Am I being too sensitive? What should I do? To tackle your question about your partner’s hilarity, I shared your question with stand up comedian and Emmy Award winning comedy writer Josh Gondelman.

His response follows: not I’ll add to Josh’s response: In terms of what you should do about this, I suggest that you should re examine your sensitivities, share this professional comic’s answer with your partner, drop the mic, and (figuratively) “walk out” (disengage patiently) while he reworks his set.

: Recently, my husband and I lost our sweet greyhound. He was almost 13. We adopted him at 4½, after his career on the racetrack. We are so grateful he came into our lives and are humbled by the outpouring of support from our friends and family during this difficult time after his death. I wanted to make a suggestion to your readers supporting people during their time of pet loss.

Instead of sending flowers and treats to the grieving humans, consider making a donation to a local pet rescue, especially one where the pet is from or that works with the grieving owner’s breed. While I appreciate the gifts that we received, I would feel such a sense of peace knowing that my dog’s legacy was supporting future dogs in finding their furever homes.

: This is a fantastic idea. Thank you for suggesting it. I hope it eases your own sadness somewhat to know that your suggestion will likely lead many people toward supporting animal causes as an expression of sympathy for the loss of a pet. was frustrated by online matching. There is a national online site called meetup.com.

It is a fabulous site for finding groups of mutual interest in local areas. It’s not a dating site, but there are things for singles. It’s also a way to make friendships. I’ve made several through participating in events. This is a great suggestion. I’ve used Meetup, myself!.