A Truly Unprecedented Plea: The Trump Scions' Curious Case of the Human 'Pet'

In a development that has left even the most seasoned political observers scratching their heads, sources close to the Trump family report a rather peculiar domestic dispute unfolding within the gilded confines of Trump Tower. It appears that Donald Trump's eldest sons, Eric and Donald Jr., have presented their father with an unusual plea: to be allowed to keep a homeless man, whom they recently "discovered," as a family pet.

The scene, as described by eyewitnesses, was one of earnest, almost childlike enthusiasm from the Trump scions.

"Please, Dad, can we keep him?" Eric reportedly pleaded, gesturing excitedly towards a bewildered individual identified only as Kevin, who was found wandering near the property. "We'll walk him every day! We promise to feed him all our table scraps and teach him tricks! He’s really good already at fetching discarded newspapers!"

Donald Jr., not to be outdone in his newfound paternal instincts, chimed in with equal fervor, describing Kevin as a "fixer-upper with real potential" and a "big, friendly puppy." The brothers reportedly outlined an ambitious plan for Kevin's integration into the Trump household, including a designated sleeping area in the Trump Tower basement and a strict regimen of "training" to ensure he remains a well-behaved companion.

However, the patriarch himself, Donald J.

Trump, is said to be less than thrilled by the prospect of adding a human 'pet' to the family's already extensive retinue. His primary concerns, sources indicate, revolved around "liability issues" and the unfortunate fact that the potential new 'addition' "smelled bad." Despite his sons' assurances of daily baths and diligent efforts to "house-train" their new acquisition, the former President remained visibly skeptical, reportedly weighing the cost-benefit analysis of such an unconventional domestic arrangement.

As the debate continues to unfold, with Eric and Don Jr.

reportedly resorting to puppy-dog eyes and repeated assurances of Kevin's "loyalty," the curious case of the Trump family's potential human pet serves as a stark, albeit darkly humorous, commentary on privilege, perception, and the sometimes baffling realities of the ultra-wealthy. Whether Kevin will ultimately be welcomed into the Trump fold, or simply re-released into the concrete jungle, remains a question that only time—and perhaps a particularly persuasive plea—will answer.